25 september 2008


I wanted to loose my virginity, as long as I had it, it was proof that no one thought I was pretty enough.
At the same time I didn't want to loose it to someone I didn't like or trust and there where moments when I could have but didn't just cause my gutt told me so.
In the end I was 17 and really loved the guy.

We had been making out for months since I told him that I was a virgin and he respected me enough to wait until I was good and ready. Even though he was both younger than me and was sexual experienced. I had hardly ever kissed anyone before him.
He said "wait!" and sneaked out to the bathroom where he put a condom on and then he came back. hard-on first as if it was guiding him. His was the first cock I saw in real life and I thought it looked really funny and strange.
I had felt it before while ackuardly trying to jack him off or thoose times when I did my best not to bite it, while giving head. He did his best to guide me, "don't use you teeth", "faster", "looser" and "harder". Sometimes it made me feel useless but I liked him enough to try my best to become a better lover.

Anyway, he sneaked into bed, we cuddled, kissed and he asked "if I were ok", I think I nodded and then in the words of Marvin Gaye we got it on.
He was on top of me and I remember trying to feel how everything felt in extreme. "How do I feel?" "How does he feel", "Is this what it's all about?".
It didn't hurt, he was warm in every way possible and in that moment, there and then with him, I felt totally complete for the first time ever in my life.